Monday, September 18, 2017

Some men and their notion of superiority

Ever since he hurt his hand and cannot lift heavy weights he can't work as a mason. He depends on his wife's income which she earns working as a house help in six homes. They have three children, all studying. She pays the rent, she cleans the house, she cooks the food, and sometimes he has instructions for exactly how he likes his food. I know I'd have laced his food with something.
She walks in with a sullen face sometimes and tells me how fed up she is of being the backbone of the household since she was 16 years old. Today he has taken the gold earrings he gifted his daughter to sell it for money. Divorce isn't an option, she sees him as her fate.
So let me understand this better..a man is henpecked only if he listens to his wife, takes her advice, helps her around the house or is "scared" of her. But he is still a MAN, all respect due just because of his physical appendage, even when he is a liability, a burden, a good for nothing partner who cannot even manage to say one good thing to his wife by way of appreciation, let alone be humble and have gratitude for her being a caretaker, a provider, when that role is primarily his, considering he likes to behave like a king around his home and family? He can be jobless, he can be unloving, he can be disrespectful and egoistic but her job even as the only earning member is to keep reassuring his worthiness, massaging his ego and also taking his criticism everyday.
If they have a fight he cites his three best virtues - "Do I hit you like other husbands do? Do I drink and create trouble? Do I gamble or go after other women?" So his yardstick for being a good husband is this, after comparison with the scum in their neighborhood. THAT is what he chooses to compare himself to, NOT with men who do whatever job they can to support the family. I've heard these very lines in higher income groups, it's amazing how predictable this category of men are.
Another favorite line to shut her up is "I know why you're so proud, it's because you are earning". That shuts her up, but it has never deterred him from continuing to be dependent on her. If that dosent work,he hasn't hesitated to hit her in the past. He says she is his bad luck, makes her feel like she is the worst wife ever. She is INSUFFERABLE and he says anyone in his place would have left her long ago (I have heard about this line being used in all strata of society) but her income - that, he can shamelessly digest. The money from selling her property back in Bangladesh, that is something he is just waiting for. No shame in using that!
How kind of him then, to continue living with her and doing her that favor. Even after all these decades, he likes to say that he shouldnt have married. This is why you shouldnt marry "because mummy wanted you to", whether you are a man or a woman. Mummy wont live forever, but your spouse and you may have to rough it out with each other all your life.
Didnt stop him from having three kids though..two eldest ones being girls, he needed a son to carry on his precious lineage. What a loss to mankind if he allowed his superior lineage to end with him.
What mental illness is that, measured masculinity..her earnings emasculate him only enough to shut her up but not to stop being dependent on her?
He turned down a job as a supplier in a nearby hotel because it is long hours. Unsuited to his royal being. He turned down a job as a driver for a water supply truck. Because he can't sit that long for that less income.Any woman would tell you that SOME income is better than NONE. But I've stopped trying to arrange any work for this high profile royal being for fear of offending his Highness.
He doesn't need to earn his wife or children's respect and is a given, isnt it? It comes with the 'package', isnt it? He will taunt, fight, threaten and emotionally abuse, manipulate and bully his wife and kids to give him respect because he is a man. He is the husband and father, whether or not he did more than create children.
I can see how people's thoughts turn to murder or suicide when they are blessed with a spouse like this.

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